


I Am The Very Model of a Teenage Vampire Slayer Girl

by lys



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Filk, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-01-15
Updated: 1999-01-15
Packaged: 2017-10-05 06:17:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/38646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lys/pseuds/lys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set to 'I Am The Very Model of a Modern Major General' from Pirates of Penzance. This is my first Gilbert and Sullivan filk, and evidence that even filks get JOSSed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Am The Very Model of a Teenage Vampire Slayer Girl

I am the very model of a teenage vampire slayer girl  
I didn't want the job 'cause it plays havoc with my social whirl,  
It's hard to have a boyfriend when you never know just who you'll fight -  
Instead of watching movies, I patrol cemeteries at night.  
I wish I had a normal life where all I had to worry 'bout  
Was making sure that I was 'in', beyond a shadow of a doubt!  
But slaying is my calling, and it's one thing I can do with ease...  
And killing vamps and demons helps relieve aggressive tendencies.

      Chorus:  
      Killing vamps and demons helps relieve aggressive tendencies!  
      Killing vamps and demons helps relieve aggressive tendencies!  
      Killing vamps and demons helps relieve aggressive tende-tendencies!

I'm very good at dealing with those evil, cursed, and even dead.  
I've never cracked a book (although I've cracked one upon someone's head)  
You'll find me in the library, a' practicing my 'slash and twirl'  
I am the very model of a teenage vampire slayer girl.

      Chorus:  
      We'll find her in the library, a' practicing her 'slash and twirl'  
      She is the very model of a teenage vampire slayer girl.

At Sunnydale High, I enjoy lots of visibility  
Though now part of the 'dweebs', my reputation's got the best of me  
I really didn't mean to burn the gym at my last school you know...  
And beating up the jocks wasn't my fault, I thought I told you so.  
I know our school is plagued with deaths and unexplained phenomena  
But blame it on the Hellmouth - that's what Giles said has caused it all  
Witches, vampires, werewolves, demons: lots of things I would not trust...  
And if they're bad I'll stake 'em till there's nothing but a pile of dust

      Chorus:  
      If they're bad she'll stake 'em till there's nothing but a pile of dust  
      If they're bad she'll stake 'em till there's nothing but a pile of dust  
      If they're bad she'll stake 'em till there's nothing but a pile of-pile of dust

I have a bag of nasty things to aid me in my slaying jaunts  
I go out every night and try to catch the baddies in their haunts  
My stylish clothes are wrecked, and my poor hair will no more hold a curl  
I am the very model of a teenage vampire slayer girl

      Chorus:  
      Her stylish clothes are wrecked, and her poor hair will no more hold a curl  
      She is the very model of a teenage vampire slayer girl

Though slaying is a dirty job, at least I know I'm not alone  
I have a watcher, several friends, and Mom to wait for me at home  
I used to have a vampire love, I slept with him, I have to tell  
But when he lost his soul again; I staked and sent him straight to hell  
But Giles has an evil past, with Ethan Raynes and now with Mom  
My friends are fighting with each other, how can I remain so calm?  
Things used to be just black and white but now the color gray abounds...  
But I'll continue slaying vampires while I go upon my rounds

      Chorus:  
      She'll continue slaying vampires while she goes upon her rounds  
      She'll continue slaying vampires while she goes upon her rounds  
      She'll continue slaying vampires while she goes upon her-'pon her rounds

I tried to run away but found that trouble seems to follow me  
I couldn't get away from this if I had a lobotomy  
But when I think of backing out I know I'm an ungrateful churl  
I am the very model of a teenage vampire slayer girl

      Chorus:  
      And when she thinks of backing out, she knows she's an ungrateful churl  
      She is the very model of a teenage vampire slayer girl


End file.
